Absurd patent photography

Combine these three objects into one single absurd but legally patentable invention. Output: Official patent title (overly long) USPTO-style abstract (150 words) 4 ridiculous ‘claims’ One real-sounding problem it solves Style: 100% serious US patent office document. Create four clean black-and-white technical patent drawings (exploded view, side, top, perspective) of this new invention in classic patent illustration style. Now render the final product in glossy Apple-product-photography style on white infinity background with subtle reflection. Add fake patent number in corner.